Title: Learning Services Supervisor
Actual Job Description: Making sure my team of 7 get what they need to do their job.
Worst Job: Between High School and University a friend of mine got me an interview for a job with the Lucerne’s Egg Division. The job paid 8.50 an hour, and given that I was making 5.00 an hour at KFC, this seemed like a pretty sweet summer opportunity.
During the interview I made up all kinds of stories. I’m sure I said “Team Player” 50 times or more. Their heads just kept nodding. I talked about the History of eggs and about how some of my best friends were eggs. They looked skeptical, but I guess they bought it because I got the job. One month of training and then I was on call. Big money here I come.
I don’t know if you’ve ever worked on an assembly line before, but it’s an acquired skill and generally not one that you learn it high school. Picture me standing in front of 10 conveyer belts dispensing standard cartons of eggs: 5 belts to my left and 5 belts to my right. Go. 2 cartons drop to my left. Pick them up and put them in the wire basket. 3 cartons drop to my right. Pick them up and put them in the wire basket. 4 to my left and 6 to my right. Run left. Run right. 5 more on my left. 3 more , no 7 more . Shit. Um Brain left – Legs right. Um. Eggs backin up. Help. Supervisor magically appears and pulls me from this job. Great. This obviously is not my thing. I have my eye on the guy sitting in the little room watching eggs pass him buy. Apparently that’s a senior position and not likely one I was going to see this summer.
Questioning his decision to hire me, the Supervisor ask me if I had ever driven a forklift. “Yes. Sure.” I don’t know why I said Yes, but I couldn’t take it back now. I mean I drive a car and I am going to be going to University, how hard could driving a forklift be?
My new job was simple. Take the 5 foot by 5 foot pallet of eggs from here and move them 20 feet closer to the assembly line. Put the eggs on the line – repeat. So I hop on my forklift and ease that puppy over to the giant cube of eggs. I gently lower the forks and slide them under the pallet. But here’s the thing I didn’t know yet: I didn’t actually get the forks under the pallet. I got the forks under the first layer of eggs.
Feeling pretty good, I lifting the forks up and sloooooooow mooootion kiiiiiiicked innnnnn. Eggs started doing moves the Cirque Du Soleil would be proud of. Chickens cried. Cold. Confusion. Denial. The whistles blew. The line stopped.The line never stopped. All eyes were on me. I looked over. A thousand dollars worth of scrambled eggs looked back at me as if saying “What the Fu**”. Sorry didn’t seem like it would cut it, right now. Worst job ever.